Ok, things are getting better.  I think I have been able to isolate the cause of my anxiety.  Every since the election of the current pope, I have felt disconnected from the church and my faith.  I left the church shortly there after, and have joined in my Matthew Fox in his call for a new reformation, but where I live, I am very much alone in this opinion.

Like many people, I find meaning and identity in my faith.  I believe in the sacraments and the rites of the church.  And now I am disconnected from that source of meaning and identity.  I feel isolated and alone.  I light my candles and continue to pray, but with out the church, I have lost access to communion...

...Communion... Joseph Campbell once said that he did not believe that we were searching for meaning, but that we were looking for the experience of being alive.  I think that can be summed up in that one word, communion.  The longing to feel a part of something greater than myself and the experience of community is to me a vital part of feeling alive.

I am disconnected from the town I live in... disconnected from my church... disconnected from my friends, family, and all of the things I love.  I have lost communion with all of these things.

Adrift in this sea of meaninglessness, I have found a way to stay afloat, but I need to find others adrift with me.  Together, we can build a new community where we can have communion together, and again find the experience of being alive.

A tear falls from my eyes:

An Oregon law enforcement official got choked up today when he announced the dreaded news: James Kim -- who had left rescuers a trail of clues after setting out into the rugged, icy Oregon mountains to find help for his stranded family -- was found dead (San Jose Mercury News).

Words fails me.   My heart, and prayers go out to all who morn this night and this holiday season.  I wish I had something wise or comforting to add, but the words fail me... or have I failed the words.

May the angels carry him to heaven, where he can guard over his family.  May the angels be we the Kims and the morn.  May God bring hope of new life to us all as we pause in this breathless moment.

C.E. Dorsett

What is going on in my head? So many ideas, fears, and confusions warring the very nature of my soul. I feel cold and empty and a yearning to tell a story that will give a sense of meaning to the chaos assaulting me.

I've been listening to Richard Kearney talking about the Philosophy of Imagination on the CBC podcast, "The Best of Ideas." His idea that our imagination is the vehicle through which we develop meaning has hit me hard. As a devotee of Joseph Campbell's work, he seems to have filled into gap between myth and religion. I am so lost in my own thoughts right now... All of my stories have been mirror into my soul, and I am afraid of what the new stories might be telling me...

...I am so full of fear right now. Ever since that last big storm, I have been drowning in these terrors that I cannot control...

I hate to make it sound like I am living in a state of fear, but I am having that chill about me like when you hear scary music in a horror film. After meditation, it fades away but in time it returns. It probably has more to do with the town I am living in then the circumstances in my life. I will find meaning again.